…Positivity is overrated, say Inzamam Safi and Umar Abdullah of Cart4Baby. They advise people to be more realistic. Their ‘mantra’ is being honest and talking to family and friends about things that really bother them which is more comforting, realistic and human. November 2020.
The Idea of Positivity
Positivity is one of the most overrated words of the 21st century. Fake rather than true feelings and expression is not positivity. Looking on the bright side of something is good. We also believe the same. But we have to understand there is a boundary. An excess of anything is bad. Refusing true feelings will drag us into a state of denial which is dangerous. People need to accept reality and face the situation and fight it.
“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself positive. ” From internet.
We don’t believe our world needs more positivity. We believe our world needs minds that are equipped to deal with the complexity of life. Minds that can hold nuance and polarity. Minds that can stay firm, centred, and open to the full scope of what it means to be human.
Life is not going to be easy. It never was. Problems are constantly bombarding us in different forms: affecting our Health, Relationship, Career, Wealth. Belief has nothing to do with reality. You can have stupid beliefs. It is your imagination and you can imagine anything.
But does your belief have power to change the outcome?
The simple answer is NO! Let’s say you are not getting a job and you are looking at the bright side that very soon you will get one. Does Positivity solve the problem? Hell no! But indeed it makes the situation worse than before.
We have to introspect and find the root cause of the situation. Then only can we work on ourselves and sort out issues. Turning a blind eye to the problem will make us blind. If you are comfortable with a blind life then go on. But when you find the truth don’t hit your head against the wall. Positivity looks very appealing on the outside but unfortunately it masks reality. Hiding true feelings has a terrible impact on health. The agonizing feeling of suppressing the true emotion can be distressing. There are several studies and reports which have proven this many times.
The world is not ruled by the thinker, it is ruled by the doers. The one who believes in action rather than sitting his ass on a chair. Positivity in the long run is always counterproductive. People who imagine everything is working fine, achieve very little in life because they have already tasted achievement in their imagination many times, deters them from working on it in reality. This useless positivity becomes the reason for their depression and anxiety.
Positivity is a nice thing per se but neglecting the reality in the pursuit of positivity is a dangerous thing. There is a concept for this type of positivity, often termed as toxic positivity.
This may remind you of a friend or classmate who always tries to stay positive no matter what life throws at them. This is not a correct way of dealing with problems, you have to address the problem and try to find a solution for that, and this whole process starts when a difficult or a bad situation is considered as a problem.
Neglecting the problem and pretending that it’s not there can take a toll on your overall mental health. It can lead to problems like depression, anxiety, self doubt. The person who is toxically positive may be in denial in order to avoid facing the reality.
What is the cause of toxic positivity?
One of the main reasons for toxic positivity is the stigma that expression of emotion, and expressing what you truly feel about a situation is somehow the indicator of your weakness and somehow lacking in personality.
Young people and children are raised in some societies believing all the junk knowledge of positivity. Whenever the child gets low because of low marks their parents start filling their minds with their own fake concept of positivity. “Everything will work out, Just stay strong and positive”.
Most of the people who are toxically positive generally follow so called online digital gurus who tell their followers the mantras of staying positive and happy, their quality is judged on the basis of the number of youtube subscribers to their channel or the number of instagram followers. The reality is that they are not saying anything that is scientifically proven, they are saying what they think is true as some of them like to call it their inner ‘ding’. These gurus are spreading false information just for dollars and cheap publicity. Their followers blindly follow them without fact checking the information they are consuming. This is also a reason for toxic positivity.
Confronting the situation with true feelings, talking to friends, family about how you feel, how you are doing or how you are coping with a certain situation. Thinking about how nice and comforting it would feel when you will talk about your problems openly without any artificial filters of emotion with your friends and families.